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  Truly Medium

So in the interest of being authentic, here it is;  

9/1/2016

11 Comments

 
I am pretty sick. 

I don't like admitting this. I hate letting others see me vulnerable.  I am strong, confident & totally I charge..... Most of the time. But not today, not for a while actually. 

Many of you know I'm more of a natural type of girl. It's rare that I take a Tylenol for a headache. There are many reasons for this, my personal views on drugs being one & how it affects my work & my lifestyle being another. I had both boys naturally. 

I sit here in the hospital for the 3rd time in 2 weeks, tomorrow will make it 4 times. I really dislike hospitals. This one in particular as I lost my dad here. Hospitals are hot spots for spirit.... Think about it. 

From the time I step on to the curb to the time I leave to come home I always have 'someone' with me. I've had all types of 'spirit' come through; nurses who can't let go, doctors that don't feel they were able to make enough of a difference & of course patients who never made it out. I'm sure you can imagine how 'busy' it really is in my head. Most of the time if I ask to be left alone they respect my wishes. But just as there are living people who cross the line, there are dead ones who do too. That's when I'm so thankful to have my dad with me. He was always great at 'crowd' control. He even helped save the Eaton Centre from the Riots in the 90's. 
You may think that the mother & baby unit or Labour & delivery unit are quiet..... They are far from quiet. Especially in this hospital as it was once the mental health unit...... Spirits come & go all the time. Spirits love new babies just as much as we do. Maybe even more so as babies can see/feel/hear them. Its comforting to know that they always have someone around, mostly family & loved ones. Spirit in these units / departments always comes with best wishes. 

I on the other hand would have rather stayed home. At first it was the placenta Previa that was forcing me into a hospital birth. That cleared up & I was taken off bed rest, only to find out later that week that I have obstetrical choliostasis..... 
It's a big term to say that my gallbladder isn't working properly and therefore effecting my liver, which I turn is running slower than it should.  It means I am becoming toxic! 
It's now a race against time; if the baby stays in too long (going to term) I will have a still born, but if they take the baby too early that can create many other complications. 

To say I am terrified is an understatement. This is my 13 pregnancy. Yes, 13!  The nurses and doctors think I'm crazy I'm sure. I have my 2 happy healthy boys (they youngest turned 3 today), and I miscarried 11 others all before the end of the first trimester. This baby is my last. I am finally throwing in the towel. 

I had planned a beautiful home water birth with my amazing midwives & my incredible doula. My family would be present to welcome our new member right away & shower them with love. Letting this go is necessary but not easily done. I am heartbroken. 

I am now facing another hospital birth, which will be induced in the next 2 weeks or so, which may or may not turn out to be a c section (which means even more hospital time) as this little one is still Breach. 

I'm exhausted, itchy, sore, uncomfortable, fight daily with heartburn, vomiting & headaches. I'm delighted to be pregnant & am really looking forward to meeting this little one. In the end all I want is a healthy happy baby. 

So, if you've wondered where I am..... This is where I am. In the incredibly busy loud hospital trying to keep my sanity. Listening to the living & the dead, waiting for the time that I can walk out of here with my baby in my arms. 
11 Comments
Courtney
9/1/2016 12:42:51 pm

Truly please take care of yourself. Your little one is in the best place right now. With you. Coming early necessarily isn't a bad thing. I gave birth 2 months ago at 36 weeks due to a previous c section. I was scared and worried but I put my faith out there and asked for a positive outcome and I was blessed with one. You will have one too. There are many of us who care about you and will pray and have you in our thoughts asking for health and healing. (By the way, you told me last year I would have a girl and that is exactly what I had so thank you for that 😊).

Reply
Jessie Thomas
9/1/2016 01:05:56 pm

Thoughts and prayers for you and your little one, Truly. It will all be worth it in the end....this too shall pass....hugs

Reply
Karen Calhoun
9/1/2016 02:06:12 pm

Positive thoughts are with you and your family. I'm sure hubby is stressing along with you.

Reply
Kimberly
9/1/2016 02:28:09 pm

You can do this breath in the light and distract distract and more distraction of the mind and soul is what is needed. My two boys were so easy compared to my daughter Georgie, I was in and out of the hospital 4xs if not more but in the end holding my little girl in my arms made the not so great part great. Everything happens for a reason you know that I know that ...so just relax and trust you are where you are for a reason. I am sure threw all of this you are providing light and love to those around you so maybe it is as simple as that!! You can do this you are an amazing woman full of strength that has faced many obstacles and adversities in the face!! Love hugs and light my friend. Cannot wait to see picture of your (my feeling) baby girl in a week or two much love xo

Reply
Tamara Clarke
9/1/2016 03:39:18 pm

Just sending Love to you and that little baby!
Hugs!!!!

Reply
Linda
9/1/2016 06:34:18 pm

Dearest Truly, please know that love and prayers are continually being sent your way. I cannot imagine how difficult this process has been for you but please remember that God always has a plan and we must trust in Him. You also have the love of your Dad and you can be assured, he will see you through. Sending you positive thoughts and warm wishes.

Reply
Jenny Brewer
9/2/2016 03:40:02 am

I am so glad you shared this Tru. I am sending all the beautiful white light and love your way. You've provided strong imagery and I'm visualizing you, happy and healthy holding your baby, surrounded by the love of your family. I can see you holding her wearing that huge Truly smile we all love. Can even hear your giggle ;) You are a strong woman who can make it through anything. Will be thinking of you daily xoxo

Reply
Christina
9/2/2016 04:34:19 am

Hi Truly,

Thank you for sharing! I have not had the chance to meet you yet...I just found you last week and booked an appointment. I currently am in a similar situation (as far as miscarriages go) but no children as of yet. Your blog has given me hope however and made me realize why I felt connected upon finding you. I will be sending positive thoughts your way and look forward to meeting you in the future :)

Reply
Janet
9/3/2016 01:26:22 pm

Dearest Truly & Baby,

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I wish for you both that everything will turn out fine and with the help of your father, God will bless you.

Love and Hugs, Janet.

Reply
Christine
10/17/2016 01:18:35 am

Congrats on tbe birth of your precious and sweet newborn. Im sure that was not easy for you at the end. But absolutely worth it all now that your baby is here with you. Just wanted to say best wishes in the beautiful new time for your family... and congratulations !

Reply
Joseph Castillo
8/7/2018 05:44:40 am

Living an authentic life is not an easy task. It will take a long time to attain the peak level of authenticity. Someone is suggesting you something, that does not mean he is real to brag. He is telling because he knows how significant it is in your life. Being authentic necessitates a non-identical approach to life. Once you become genuine, you will forget your own path. There is no such failure that can scare you anymore. You will start taking enough times to figure out your own opinion and perspective. On the whole, I can say that your authenticity is like your character which is an indispensable key to becoming successful- https://www.reginafasold.com/blog/character-strength-the-secret-ingredient-of-successful-people/.

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