Never in all my years did I imagine this would be my most popular blog, but when I think about it makes sense. People do not talk about this subject. Maybe its too hard to verbalize, maybe we respect our social norms too much. Either way I am glad that we as a society are becoming more vocal about our feelings and experiences.  Jean Vanier once said "I am struck by how sharing our weakness and difficulties is more nourishing to others than sharing our qualities and successes". Its true.
So since this blog was written, I have lost the opportunity of  3 more children, making it 9 in total. Sigh, yes, even though I know they are with me, my heart still hurts. But I like to think it hurts a little less because I know they are with me.  I hope you find comfort, whether it is because of this information or not doesn't matter, just that you find peace.  Much love, xo T

"The most beautiful people we have know are those who have know defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I realize that I will probably receive a lot of comments about this blog. Hopefully my readers understand that I am not meaning to offend, I'm simply explaining what I know. I myself have lost the opportunity of 6 children in my life time. Although losing them was not easy, I was thankful for the opportunity to love them so much more than I had loved anyone or anything before. I am writing this blog because I have been asked by so many to explain what happened. Keep in mind, each persons story is different, and yet we all need a better understanding of what has happened.

There can be many reasons why a child dies. It is NEVER FAIR to the parent. The spirit of a child has free will, just as you and I do. All manifestations of life do.

The soul of a child exists well before actual conception. Each soul picks their parents (I have written of this before in a blog about personal responsibility). We choose our parents because they can help us learn the lessons we need to grow. We choose our mother 1st. I like to think its because she literally 'grows' us in her body & then nourishes our body with her milk. That's just my thoughts. We choose our father just the same as our mother. We will learn many things from him & he is just as important. 

The Dictionary defines Miscarriage as the spontaneous or unplanned expulsion of a fetus from the womb before it is able to survive independently. Still birth being defined as the birth of an infant that has died in the womb (strictly, after having survived through at least the first 28 weeks of pregnancy, earlier instances being regarded as abortion or miscarriage). I like to think of the definition of both of these tragedy's as the loss of a beautiful opportunity to learn and love.

After my 2nd miscarriage (as I told no one of the 1st), I was extremely distraught. I sought guidance from the one person who has always supported me, my mother.  She gave me the explanation that I have heard from many other spiritual people. "There was something wrong with the baby, and it was called home".  Seemed simple enough, but I wanted more. I started looking at the process of life. How we got here. After many conversations with my spirit guides and loved ones that I have lost I was reminded that we all have free will. Our free will begins before conception, when we chose to experience life (on our terms). I have found that in most cases of miscarriage, when the spirit was choosing its life lessons, they chose to few. These life lessons were completed all in a short time, without leaving the mother's womb. If we go back to the model that most spirits choose 25 life lessons or themes to work on while here, and then we look at the life of a spirit that ended before it was 'able to survive independently', we know that it most likely only choses 2 or 3 life lessons. Most of the time, this is done on purpose. The spirit needs to experience one or two specific lessons in order to grow. The most common of those lessons is Unconditional Love. Once these lessons have been completed, the spirit is then given the opportunity to go 'home' and start again. Having the free will to choose as many lessons he or she desires.

Now, abortion is a bit of a different story. Because each spirit chooses its parents, & can see the life path of those parents, it knows that there is a very good chance that it will not have the opportunity to fully manifest in this lifetime. This comes down to the free will of the mother. This spirit would have known that there was the possibility that the mother would not be able to bring it to fruition for whatever reason.

How we lost the child really has less to do with us & more to do with that child's spiritual journey. Most mothers hurt emotionally more than physically after this loss. My belief is that the spirit of that child stays in the aura or etheric field of the mother until such time that she can manifest a new opportunity for it to return. Unfortunately sometimes it takes a few opportunities before the spirit can fully manifest. It took 4 opportunities for my Tom to manifest. It took 3 for Graham & I still have a spirit in waiting.

What happens when the spirit cannot manifest (the mother does not become pregnant again or is unable to carry to term)? The spirit stays with the mother (in the auric field), until such time that she returns home.

Essentially ladies, our babies never leave us. 

Now, being a mother & having experienced this loss, in my mediumship practice I rarely bring this topic up as I know how painful it can be. I never know what or who to expect when I work, but I rarely hear from these spirits. If they do come forward they don't speak, they just show themselves (think of a bubble of light or orb). This type of loss is very common, but because of its delicate nature, most mediums will not bring it up. Mediums are funny creatures, most being extremely sensitive & empathetic, therefore they don't want to stir the emotional pot too much.

Anyway, I certainly hope that I have helped some of you heal & have given you a better understanding of this delicate topic. As always I welcome your thoughts & comments. Love & Light, Truly

"Look at your track record: You have survived 100% of everything in your life so far. So there is a very high chance you are going to survive anything that's to come." ~ Unknown

Hello Friends,
I have missed you. I have been under the weather, and as such was unable to work for a time. I am doing much better and back at it. Below is my annual 'Mother's Day Lecture' that I will be giving later this morning at the Divine Light Spiritual Foundation. I do hope you enjoy it and welcome your comments/feedback. Happy Mother's Day. God Bless you. xoxo Love & Light, Truly

Happy Mother’s Day. (May 13, 2012)

You are kind.
You are smart.
You are important.

Those words are what every parent wants to instill in their children. To be kind is to love, the purest of all emotions.  To be smart is to recognize that we have a choice, and that by being alive, we have chosen to grow. You are important. Something we forget so easily about our selves. When you are important, you remember that you are accountable for your thoughts, feelings and actions, and that no-one can take these away from you.

After becoming a parent myself, I read an article in a ‘parenting magazine’. It was an article on Fathers and what they thought of fatherhood. Christian Jacobs, is a pretty important guy with Nickelodeon (a kids television production company), and the co-creator of Yo Gabba Gabba (one of Thomas’s favorite shows). He wrote something that has not left me since the day of reading it. He was asked ‘what did you learn about being a father from your own dad?” The answer may shock you, or really hit home as it did for me:

“He showed me that as a parent, it’s time to forget about yourself and do what’s best for your children. No success in life could compensate for being a failure as a parent.”

What an incredible statement. Before my Thomas was born, Kyle and I had conversations about what kind of parents we were going to be. What hopes and dreams we had not only for our children, but with our children. I remember him telling me how years ago he turned down a very prestigious career move, so that he wouldn’t be put in the position of having to choose between his work and his family. So many people in the corporate world have had to make that choice. One of IBM’s motto's is ‘Family First’. This is something we do in our family. We put each other first.

I have had a few difficult choices in my life, and as difficult as it can be, I thank God for those opportunities. I thank God for the opportunity to live. I know God has big things in store for me. I have faith that I am being looked after.  I know that there will be more challenges in my life. I also know that I was given Kyle and Thomas for a reason. I am thankful for the strength I’ve been given.

Nothing about my life’s been easy. But nothings’ gonna keep me down. They give me reason to carry on.

I have been pregnant 5 times.  I’ve only been able to hold one baby in my arms. On so many occasions I have asked the age old question: ‘why’.  I know, that God doesn’t answer the ‘why’s. He only answers the ‘how’s’ and the ‘when’s, and its always done in divine order.

Each baby that I have been given, has been a blessing to me. I can not tell a lie, I do miss the opportunities of them. But I know in my heart that they have received the love and the care that they so much deserved. I am grateful to help them with what ever lessons they were working on in that brief time.   I am glad that I was able to give them the unconditional love that they so deserved.

The way you grow after you have made the decision to be a parent is almost in-measurable. I once heard a quote that talked about the decision to have a child is the decision to let your heart walk around out side of your body on its own, with out any regard for you. (lol). Never has a truer statement been made.

I love my Thomas to pieces. He really is my whole world. Its funny you know, I don’t think you realize how much you are loved by your parents (biological or not), until you become a parent yourself.  It’s amazing how you cry when your child cries, and you laugh when they laugh (even when you know you really shouldn’t be laughing because it’s sending the wrong message). They so quickly become a piece of us.

I’ve had quite a few parents come to me in the last few years, looking for advice to help with their children. The thing we always seem to forget is that our children are us, but a shorter version. They are smarter than us, they are faster than us and they can certainly out do us on any given day. We forget that they are not children, but little adults. They are miniature people who deserve all the respect and love we can give them.

When I talk about showing a child respect and love, I’m really talking about teaching them what we all need to re-learn. We need to re learn that:

We are Kind

We are Smart

And we are Important

When we have the fundamentals down, life can really become easy. When you are struggling with a challenge, all you need do is ask yourself these things; Are you acting out of kindness & love? Are you smart enough to understand that you will be held accountable for your actions? Will you lead a life of Integrity and Importance?

We all struggle with those things. We all struggle with them because we are human, and on a pretty steep learning curve.  Thankfully we have parents to show us the way.

We have parents that show us that we have goodness in us. We are merciful. We have compassion and understanding. We are the light and the energy and the joy in the world. We have forgiveness, patience, strength and courage. We can comfort, teach and heal others. We have the deepest wisdom and we know the highest truth. We are the greatest peace and the grandest love. We are these things. And luckily enough, we have parents to show us the way. How they chose to show us maybe a different story, but they have chosen. And don’t forget you chose them too.

Its funny, even now as I write this, I know that I am living in the state of fear. I can choose to manifest fear in my life. I can choose to let the fear (false evidence appearing real) in, and take over. Or I can choose to carry on. I can choose to live in love.

After everything that has happened to me, I have come to a decision. I choose to follow my parents. I choose Love. I choose to carry on. I choose to show my boy how life really is. I choose to be Kind. I choose to be Smart. & I choose to be Important.

I am able to choose all of these things, because someone chose to have me. Thanks Mum.